It seems like I’m finding out who my real friends are right now.
And I’m not happy about it.
I kind of want to tell some people who are supposedly my “close friends” to kindly Fuck Off.
I haven’t written much on here lately because I’ve been keeping all my crazy to myself.
Music feeds my soul.
It makes my life infinitely better.
It lets me wallow in my emo (as it’s been doing lately).
It hypes me up before & during my workouts.
It makes me happy.
It makes me dance.
What would I do without music?
I really don’t know & hope to never find out.
“And I find myself in need of a pause
I’m not sure why, but I think that it’s because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me
But I’ll see better when the smoke clears
When the smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn’t repeat everything I’ve said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens everyday.”
I really wish my friends would stop acting like they know me better than they really do and better than I know myself.
I tried to talk to a friend today about something I haven’t talked to anyone about because although I know I shouldn’t be, I am embarrassed by it. Being a psychology major, I should know that there is nothing to be embarrassed by, but I can’t help the way I feel. I haven’t talked about it on here because I don’t want to be labeled crazy.
I tried to tell a friend today that I really think I need therapy, and possibly medication because I think I have an anxiety disorder.
My friend dismissed my concerns and said that there is nothing wrong with me.
I tried to explain to my my friend that they don’t know what goes on in my head, so they can’t say that there is nothing wrong with me, because they don’t know that.
They continued to say that there is nothing wrong with me.
I discontinued the conversation because I just wanted to scream at my friend that being worried about everything, all the time, isn’t normal. Having panic attacks over small things, that most people don’t worry about, isn’t normal. Feeling depressed sometimes because you have anxiety all the time isn’t normal.
So there’s some of my crazy. I’d appreciate support, not judgement. I already feel anxious about putting this out there as it is.
I am totally a procrastinator.
For school I always wait until the last minute to do assignments.
Sometimes I think I work better under pressure.
Sometimes I think I am just being lazy.
Either way, I still pull straight A’s.
I’m not sure whether this speaks to my abilities, or a lack of challenging curriculum on the part of my university…
I’m gonna go with my abilities.
I’m intelligent, and work well under pressure.
Yup, that’s my story and I am sticking to it.
I’m getting really pissed off because some of my textbooks have not arrived yet. I order my textbooks from Amazon because it saves me a lot of money, and it usually takes awhile for them to get here, which is why I ordered my textbooks on DECEMBER 17th, 1 whole month ago, and some of them are STILL NOT HERE!
It’s kind of hard to do homework without my books.
Where the fuck are they???
I do not understand people who treat you like crap, don’t talk to you for months and then contact you and act like absolutely nothing happened, and everything is ok.
WTF?
I think it might be time to find some new friends.
Because I think I should cut my losses and run from some of my “friends.”
Some of them are apparently childish douchebags.
